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911 Operators Funniest Stories

Being a 911 operator can’t be an easy job. Here are some very real an funny stories from 911 operators on Reddit.

 

1. Oh shit!

911 operator receives a call from a Spanish speaking subject, the operator does not speak Spanish and the translator we use was unavailable. Following protocol, she sends me and another cop to check on the caller, neither of us speak Spanish either. We are met by mom and dad and their 5 year old son. After several minutes of broken-English and hand gestures, we conclude that they’re trying to tell us that the kid hasn’t pooped in several days, figuring we have some sort of medical emergency, we have an ambulance dispatched. Once the crew shows up, they begin to ask questions of dad and the kid and are getting the same results I did. I stepped outside and was able to locate a neighbor to help translate, turns out dad had called 911 and tied up 2 cops, 3 EMT’s and 2 paramedics for 30 minutes because his 5 year old had shit his pants.

2. You lion

When I was a kid I called 911 and yelled: “NAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SYYBENNNYAHHHHHHHHHH BADAGEESEEEEBABAOOOOHHHHHHHH” into the phone. The Lion King had just come out and I thought it was hilarious. After the third or fourth time they sent a police officer to the house and he gave me a stern talking to. My mom was pretty embarrassed.

3. Alive and well

I had a guy call me one night and tell me he had died. Obviously I was pretty sure he was incorrect in his diagnosis so I started questioning him. He would not tell me where he was but I could hear him walking around (leaves underfoot and such) This was in the fall and it was cold outside. I was asking him what he could see and all he would tell me is that he died and needed me to call his mom and tell her but wouldn’t give me her name or a phone number. Eventually the police dispatcher (who was still listening on the line) was able to get enough clues from him to make an educated guess as to his location. Sure enough, the PD officers found him in a cemetery, naked and piss drunk sitting on a random headstone. He was most assuredly not dead.

4. That’s so f’d up!

20 year 911 Dispatcher and Supervisor here. Had a guy call and ask if the line was recorded, I assured him all our lines were recorded. He started to recite his last will and testament and then shot himself. All 911 recordings are legal documents so he just saved money on a lawyer giving his will over the phone.

5. Double gross!

EMT buddy goes out to a 911 call for hemorrhoids. This guy says the pain is so intense that he can’t move and is worried about bleeding out (drama queen). When they arrive on scene, it’s enough of an issue to warrant taking him in, however when they ask him why he hadn’t seen a doctor sooner he said, “I did, and he gave me these big chewy pills that taste terrible and aren’t working at all.” He was eating suppositories.

6. I’m pretty sure there’s an app for that

It was a female insisting officers come out and arrest “her man” for refusing to have sex with her. Call lasted about 10 minutes, and in that time she cried, begged and called me names for refusing to send an officer out. I had to explain multiple times he could in fact choose to not have relations with her, and yes he could refuse to go down on her, and if she forced him to have sex that would be rape, and that no our officers coming out to have sex with her did not fall under the motto to protect and serve.

7. Barking up the wrong tree

Had woman call saying her cat was stuck in a tree. I just knew she wanted the fire department to come save the cat, so I got my “that’s only in movies/TV” speech ready. Then she said “…so my husband climbed up to get the cat and now he’s stuck too.”

8. Hot damn!

One woman called because she thought her house was being shot at. Turns out she forgot about her eggs boiling on the stove and they exploded. I wanted to give her a hug though, she was just a little old lady.

9. OTC

A youngish girl calling 911 because she wanted an ambulance to come to her house to administer a pregnancy test. They argued back and forth that she’d have to go to the hospital or a clinic for the test because an ambulance can not do so and it is not an emergency but she refused to accept this. Eventually he suggested that she go to Walgreens to purchase one and she said, “they sell those?”… I really hope she wasn’t pregnant.

10. When you love peanut butter and gives no fucks

There was a older lady in the town that I worked in who was deathly allergic to peanut butter, but she was completely addicted to it. She would frequently call 911 before she ate a peanut butter sandwich and went into full anaphylactic shock. We would race over there code III each time and I would literally have an epi-pen in my hand when I entered her house. We inevitably found her comatose on the floor each time.

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